My mother never misses an opportunity to tell me to take care of myself and make sure I get
a good man to settle with.

She constantly tells me stories of how she and my dad started and how tough things were.
Her family was poor but not too poor. My grandfather had a big farm and constantly went
hunting so food was not a problem. Then my grandfather married a second wife and things
turned sour for my mum’s side of the family.

She had to take care of most of her own needs and sometimes, her mother’s. She worked for
money, worked to school, worked to even get herself a panty, and, more often than not the
money she worked for got taken away by my grandfather. Sometimes my grandfather
borrowed from people and sent her to work to pay off the debts. Those were extremely hard
times but she managed through school in one uniform till she wrote her to form four exams.
There was no money to further her education so she stayed home and helped my
grandmother sell palm wine.

She was influenced and pressured by her friends who had men taking care of them and
seemed to be doing pretty well. Some were traveling to Accra from Anfoega and back. Back
then, that was like traveling abroad. Some also had the opportunity to further their education.
That was something my monthly wanted to do. Further her education.
She decided to get a boyfriend too and unfortunately, that was how her first child was born.
Lucky for her, my father accepted the pregnancy and married her. Not all women are that
fortunate.

Even so, she didn’t have it easy during the early days of her marriage. They were both very
young and my father at the time was still in college. He was away most time and my mother
had to work and take care of herself and the child as well.

This is mainly what my mother has advised me and my siblings against. Getting pregnant
outside wedlock and having to struggle to fend for ourselves and our children.

Over the years, I felt she might have exaggerated a bit, describing how tough things were for
her. Everyone around me was dating and with social media, most people make it seem like
living with your boyfriend and having kids without being married is normal.
Not until, after a couple of heartbreaks from men I thought had my interest at heart, did I
realize that my mother was right.

Rushing into relationships and following trends on social media was completely unnecessary.
As I grow older I look back at all the time I wasted in the name of dating and some of the
things I did and regret them. I pray that when I’m older and I have daughters, they take the
advice my mother gave me and not follow in my steps because truly, mom knows best.